My personal fear: if someone were to see my life their initial thoughts would be “How can you be a leader?” Although we know that life is full of lessons and experiences designed for growth, they can still trip our steps and affect our confidence whether personal or professional. As someone who has worked in many leadership roles, as a leader we are often expected to ask the right questions, make decisions, and provide answers. That is straightforward when I am working in a office during business ours, when no one can see what happens in the afterhours. It is easier to lead when your life feels steady, predictable, and balanced. But what about the other 70% of the time — the unexpected twists and turns?
I speak from experience that the pressures of responsibility and leadership do not take a backseat when your life gets a little messy. Between grieving losses, navigating a tough divorce, managing the unpredictability of single parenthood, and my personal favorite — facing financial challenges amidst all the chaos, I feel as though I have done it all. The million-dollar question: “How do I remain an effective leader when my own world feels like a spinning top?” Here are some insights from my personal journey through chaos.
Self-Compassion is Your Best Friend
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer others. Showing yourself compassion allows you to make healthier decisions because you’re not operating from a place of guilt, shame, or disappointment. Instead saying, “You’re not good enough”, try asking yourself “How can I support myself right now”. As a great leader, when someone from your team approaches you during a difficult time, would you blame them for not seeing it coming? Would you criticize them for failing? Hopefully not. You’d acknowledge their humanity, support their needs, and perhaps suggest a break to keep things moving responsibly. So why not extend that same grace to yourself?
My Personal Favorite: Foster a Growth Mindset
This is something I have become very good at, specifically in the last couple of years: seeing my challenges as an opportunity for growth. It is about leaving the victimized thoughts behind and saying “Yes, this sucks right now, but I’m going to grow through this experience.” This mindset will teach you motivation, and resilience, and contribute to long-term success more than any self-help book or checklist will. A growth mindset will allow you to keep moving forward and not become stagnant until the threat has passed.
Protect My Energy
Energy is precious; my little aura of light I try to protect can be susceptible to the negative energy of events, people, or commitments. Protecting your energy starts with understanding yourself and your values. Step one: know your priorities. Mine involve holding my life together while staying aligned with what matters most.
Step two, the harder step for a people-pleaser like myself is learning to say no. But the power you will feel when say no to what doesn’t align with you is transformative. It’s empowering. It also requires self-compassion and a growth mindset because boundaries often invite resistance.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Seems so simple. If you’ve ever followed a health plan, attended a leadership course, listened to a podcast on motivation or read any self-help book then you have probably heard this before — and for good reason. The magnificent thing about small wins is they can look different everyday. One day it's cooking an actual meal, the next it is getting to work on time and playing tea party with my daughter before calling it a day. Sometimes the small win is doing those things while being on the brink of tears. Either way, you can be sure I’m going to appreciate the steps I took that day to bring a bit of normalcy to my life; rest, recover, and be grateful for the chance to do it again tomorrow. Celebrating small wins boosts your confidence, and during periods when that confidence is teetering dangerously close to the edge of the Grand Canyon — or doesn’t exist at all then those wins can be just the seed of momentum you need to keep going.
Remember Why You Lead
Leadership is about being authentic, it is not about being perfect. Leadership is about owning challenges: personal and professional while navigating through them. It is not about pretending everything is fine. I lead as a mother, I lead at work, and I lead as a coach. So, when I’m stepping into an unavoidable pool of chaos I remind myself why I stepped into a leadership role in the first place. As a leader my focus is on helping others navigate a challenge. I lead to guide, teach, and build stronger teams. Sometimes that team is amongst colleagues, clients, or loved ones. Sometimes that team is me, myself, and I. Either way, being confronted by chaos and having a human reaction to this chaos does not mean I am no longer qualified to be leader. It does mean that I can lead with empathy, resilience, and authenticity while being imperfect. Every time I show up, I am reminded I can and will do it again — with grace and determination.
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