I face my second canvas, my canvas of blank slates and an endless expanse of what could be. However, this canvas is not unmarred by the influences of my past. Both canvases are imperative for balance, symmetry, and alignment. This canvas is so much more than a home for the creams and whites that drip from my brush; it is guided by yesterday’s wisdom, born from the onyx and midnight blues. I am certain in the unknown, standing before this canvas. After spending so much time feeling my way through the dark, my heart and hands anticipate the lightness. The undeniable soft images that flow eagerly through my brush coming alive as the paint dances over the canvas.
I use the strength and conviction from its darker sister as a compass—recognizing and honoring the shadows that have prepared me for the lighter strokes of this new chapter. The canvas provides the space for my dreams to exist and evolve without being overtaken by darker hues, yet where they can still be seen together.
The first stroke- choices in who I want to become, crossroads, love, or a pursuit of passions, I stay resolute in my brushwork regardless of knowing where it may or may not lead. I think of the last three years of my life; tested over and over, but my trueness remains intact while I reemerge with all the wisdom I have gained. The same woman, though at times hidden by the charcoals and deep purples of life. Gone are the pieces of me so eager to please, desires dissipate to remain hidden in the background, unseen behind shadowy hints. Gone are the dark, muted tones in which I once painted my choices, dimming my own light.
I understand my soft, muted greys and the ivories of my quiet knowing—my sureness mixed from the trials and experiences of my journey. What remains is a woman embracing her fullness, despite the uncertainty of her path ahead. I trust in my brushstrokes--past, present, and future. I paint with a freeness that I could not have embraced without both the dark and light hues, the cycles and polarity of life has shaped me.
There is something profound in not knowing where the road leads, trusting that my canvases remain unfinished- shaped by the pauses and reflections, life’s interruptions, and ongoing self-discovery. The energy behind each stroke, the light filtering through shifting perspectives, and the evolving compositions of my life’s murals reflect changes in intent, choices, and confidence; marked by bold and delicate lessons of time.
My eyes linger on the canvases.
I hold my breath as I drink in the sight
the light and dark chapters of a single story.
Distinct but interwoven,
like stars that share the same constellation.
Each would cease to exist without the other,
like a mirror of the duality within me
a tender balance of hope and sorrow
confidence and vulnerability
wisdom and misunderstanding
as night passes and the light returns.
A tribute of what is lost and reclaimed.
The lighter tones of my dreams and the peace in acceptance are what drives me still,
while the dark carves the path towards endless potential.
I set my paintbrush down.
I step back from the depths of my emotions chosen in colors to be displayed.
Murals of dark and light to coalesce together,
Each within its own place but undeniably connected.
The beauty and promise of cycles and polarity in my life’s studio.
A merging of past, present, with what is to come.
Nightfall to daylight, in endless transitions
meeting where ach one ends
I feel the release in the Ivory and mahogany
I feel anticipation in the jade and the creams
I know understanding in the ebony and slate grey
The studio is calm,
Dust motes twinkling like stars in the night sky
The tapestry of my journey, a path of letting go and embracing what lies ahead.
Aaron Burden Unsplash
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