Is life a test and lessons, or just is it just a long collection of memories and experiences? One thing is certain, that whatever expectations and plans you have can and will change in an instant. In those moments your perspective shifts, and your outlook influences your following actions and feelings. At the end of the day the most challenging part of change isn’t the change itself but what you decide to do — or not do — next.
Sometimes, life propels you into a new trajectory, whether your ready or not. It is in those moments you get to choose which memories and experiences to carry forward to guide your next steps. I don’t believe these pivotal moments are about starting over because we truly never begin from scratch. There are no blank slates, but a collection of memories, experiences, and lessons to teach and guide you. Moments of clarity and confusion, intuition, knowledge, and wisdom merge and empower you to create something new.
The second challenge is what comes after your decision: the actions you take amidst the chaos and uncertainty. These moments give you the opportunity to rediscover who you are, who you want to become, and changes to make as you create the next chapter.
There are a few steps I continually take when faced with rebuilding after life has shifted unexpectedly. These practices have helped me navigate countless moments of “starting over”, rediscovering parts of myself and developing new skills and understanding.
Allow yourself to grieve. Whatever this looks like for you grief is an essential step forward — whether it is mourning a heartbreak, loss, or the version of yourself you are leaving behind. As a nurse we are taught that grief is not linear. It ebbs and flows — you may feel healed one day, only to find yourself back in it’s grip the next day. Grief can halt everything in your path, or it might be a quiet ripple that transcends minutes, hours and days.
For me, grief often feels like a weight I carried as I took steps forward. Writing became my outlet and a way to voice my feelings that felt too heavy to carry. Acknowledging grief and giving it the space it needed actually allowed me to move forward with more clarity
Reclaim your identity. Trying to rediscover and understand your identify can be overwhelming, but I’ve learned to view it as an opportunity and this is where we often hear “starting from scratch” because what we knew is gone and what we are left with is unfamiliar to us. You have to ask yourself: What do I value? What makes me feel alive?
When I was younger my answers focused primarily on myself, however now they often revolve around my daughter. Rebuilding and reclaiming identify often starts with reconnecting different aspects of yourself — old, new, and undiscovered, and finding excitement in the possibilities.
Setting Small Intentional Goals. Sometimes rebuilding starts with the simplest goals: wake up, go to work, reach out to a friend. Over time, these steps can grow bolder such as my goals in: write a poem, read a book, prioritize your passions and allocate time to what brings you joy. If you saw me two years ago to today — version 236 — you would see the results of my process. Step by step in creating a new home for my daughter and I, writing a book, and starting a health coaching side hustle with my sister coupled with a podcast. In all these moments I get to declare that I am messily moving forward. I am using my energy for trial and error, and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable,
Lastly I Reconnect with my Vision. Rebuilding also requires you to revisit the vision you have for your life, and your reasons for pursuing. Your “why” is your anchor. For me that vision is formed by my desire to share what I've learned through my personal challenges. Not because I am expert, not because I have special degrees, nor because I have helpful advice to give — but because I have a unique combination of experiences that feels like a gift I can share to empower others while continuing to honor honesty and vulnerability in my own journey.
Ultimately some of the steps in rebuilding are taken alone, while others lead to community and connections with people who share similar challenges, deeper relationships with family and friends, and mentors who offer me guidance.
These steps are not about piecing together broken pieces, but about building bridges that connect the past, present, and future. Your life may look different that what you have envisioned, but that does not mean that it is less beautiful. It doesn’t mean you need a plan right now to correct the steps that didn’t lead you in the direction you thought you were headed.
Explore “starting over” not from a thought of starting from scratch but with the opportunity to create something new — with curiosity, and appreciation for how far you’ve come. Let go of your rigid expectations and perfect outcomes, and explore newness as you rebuild something different.
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